hoosierbitch: (Default)
Today was a therapy day. Therapist was a bit hippy-dippy today, very “Trust that the universe will unfold the way it’s supposed to!” but also we talked a lot about not living our lives based on what society and other people THINK we should be doing, and instead be ok with ourselves the way we are.

I have an MFA in a field that I don’t think I want to be involved in. Today’s revelation: Maybe it’s not that I’m a failure at it, maybe it’s just not something I can do while maintaining a happy and healthy life for myself outside of that work.

I could very happily do administrative-type work the rest of my life. The fact that I’m currently holding down a job, walking my dog twice a day (almost every day, I’ve been getting SO MUCH BETTER), working on sorting my bipolar meds, and talking to my happy therapy lady who’s a hippy but maybe not wrong, is good. My dad said he was proud of me the last time I was home, which. Well. My dad says “I love you” a lot, mostly scrawled on postcards, but the fact that he’s proud of me for getting through this first year in MN where I’m still mostly friendless, working a part-time job, and taking each day at a time—means a fuck of a lot.

I was just raised to believe that you should give as much as you have, and do as much for your community as you can, and so the fact that for the past year I’ve been mostly focussing on keeping myself above water is not in my life-plan. The fact that this coming year might follow the same pattern makes me feel terrible, and guilty, because if I’m not doing good things for other people, what the hell good am I?

After therapy I went to a bakery and bought two cupcakes.

They are gone now.

Tomorrow morning I’ll probably go out for huevoes rancheros because my brain is rly fucking confused and comfort food helps.

 

Amnesty

Apr. 30th, 2014 07:16 pm
hoosierbitch: (Default)

So, for May, I am giving myself a pass.

I don’t have to write anything.
I don’t have to respond to any comments. 
I don’t have to keep up with everyone’s LJs/DWs/tumblrs/twitters.

I want fandom and writing to be a source of joy, not stress, and I’ve made it into something I HAVE to do instead of letting it be something I WANT to do.

So: I may see you periodically over the next couple of weeks. I may not. But I’ll for sure see you June 1st.

Love love love,
HB

hoosierbitch: (BTVS Silly Funny Kink Romance Anya "Let')
Title: A New Ritual
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Stiles/Derek
Content Advisory: Uh. Knotting. Rimming. Rimming with half-shifted wolf tongue, because, uh, it'd be long and flexible and strong and I know I'm going to hell but whatever Stiles is going there with me.
Notes: This is entirely the fault of [personal profile] rabidchild67, who, on a day when I was whining because I didn’t know what to write, said “Knotting porn!” And then came weeks of me agonizing over whether there were too many feelings, or not enough feelings, or if the feelings were in the right place, or how many times I should make Stiles come. GODDAMNIT RC. (Also inspired by this post on tumblr.)
Spoilers: This is basically in a canonless universe. A vague reference to the Darach. That's it.
Thanks: Thanks to [personal profile] shadowen for the wonderful beta, who made this part so much better (any remaining mistakes are completely mine). Also thanks to [livejournal.com profile] ivorysilk for putting up with my fail!flail.

Summary: They don't know what it means, but they know that it feels right.

*

Read more... )

book recs?

Mar. 18th, 2014 11:44 pm
hoosierbitch: (BTVS Silly Funny Kink Romance Anya "Let')
I haven't been reading much lately (well, of the non-internet variety) and I'd like to do more. I have intermittent periods of really long down time at work that I could fill up with reading. But I feel like a runner prepping for a marathon--like, "Great Expectations" was unexpectedly hilarious but scattered, "Wuthering Heights" was scary but not a good book to read while being often interrupted, "Hawkeye: Little Hits" was adorable but v. short.

SO.

The book I just finished was "Unspoken" by Sarah Rees Brennan. It's part of a trilogy, I've got #2 on the way through ILL. It's a teen gothic romance mystery novel type thing? Only really good. Her last trilogy, "Demon's Lexicon," was a rollercoaster of awesome, and I loved it.

PLEASE RECOMMEND MORE?

I LIKE:sci-fi/fantasty (including urban fastasy)/Young Adult is fine/and not-sad-fiction. Preferably by female writers. I like Patricia McKillip, Robin McKinley, Terry Pratchett, Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Piece, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Tanya Huff.

Are there any books that are top of your list that you'd recommend for right now, or that you think I should stick on my goodreads for later?

THANKS SO MUCH! MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE!

Uh, returning the love, my fave books:
1) Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy
2) The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russel
3) Wolf Hall & Bring up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel (OH GOD THEY'RE SO GOOD--only first book and sequel to win the Man Booker prize--AND I'M SO HISTORY DUMB THAT IDK WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT WITH THE BOLEYNS SO DON'T SPOIL ME BITCHES THE THIRD BOOK'S GONNA COME OUT SOMEDAY SOON PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE)
hoosierbitch: (Default)
Title: made this place a home
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Dyslexia 'verse (Comprehensive links at the end!)
Rating: R
Pairing: Clint/Coulson
Content Advisory: Clint dealing with grief and dyslexia (and some self-esteem issues about the dyslexia).
Notes: I can't believe this is actually finished. There may be filler parts later, or timestamps (I am working on an "Each Avenger Finds Out About Clint's Dyslexia" fic), but this is the end of the main arc. It's been over a year. Wow. If anyone ever wants to play in this ‘verse (like the lovely [personal profile] arsenicjade has) you are more than welcome.
Spoilers: This matches canon up to the Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D premiere, and has spoilers for the first episode.
Thanks: Thanks to [personal profile] miriad for the wonderful beta, who made this part so much better (any remaining mistakes are completely mine). And thank you to everyone who's read this series and supported me through this process. It's been a crazy ride.

Summary: Coulson comes back from the dead. Clint's not sure how he feels about that.

*

Clint goes to the doorway, his arrow aimed at heart-level, and sees Phil leaning against his desk. )

Thank you for reading.


This part:
DW
LJ
AO3

Entire series:
DW
LJ
AO3
hoosierbitch: (Default)
Title: Probem Child
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Unpaved Road of Good Intentions [1/?]
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Slow-build Clint/Coulson, eventually Natasha plays a big part in the series.
Content Advisory: Explicit reference to past physical and sexual abuse in Clint's past. There's an age discrepancy between Clint and Coulson, as well as a power imbalance. If you'd like more specific information, or you think there's something I forgot to warn for, please let me know what I can do.
Notes: This was written for the kidficstory big bang. knowmefirst has made an AWESOME banner for it, that I have tried and failed to post three times with it so far--I'll get it up tomorrow when I'm on a library computer instead of a tablet!
Thanks: Thanks to miriad for the amazing beta, ivorysilk for the cheerleading, and arsenicjade for sharing the exact same Clint!feels. <3

Summary: Coulson wasn't born the bad-ass in the business suit. Hawkeye didn't start out as the trusted eye in the sky. This is the story about how SHIELD grew up, and how Coulson and Clint grew together right alongside it.

The teenager that they lead into the holding room is grinning at him. It would be less discouraging if his teeth weren’t covered in blood. The guards cuff the kid’s hands to the table and his ankles to the chair. They don’t undo the chain around his waist that ties the whole mess together, so he’s hunched over and jangles every time he moves. )*

I also have a tumblr now!
hoosierbitch: (Default)
Title: nerds are sexy (and so are orgasms)
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Series: trust and consequences
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Derek/Stiles
Content Advisory: Stiles is 17. Eventual D/s. Discussion of body issue images resulting from Derek's relationship with Kate.

Summary: Stiles and Derek have a problem. Stiles is going to get to Derek's dick via research.

He organizes his piles of papers. He's going to do this. (And then, hopefully, they're going to do it, with 'it' being a mutually satisfying sexual experience.) )

Feedback is appreciated! (This is it for today, but there's more written in the series already.)

I also have a tumblr now!
hoosierbitch: (Default)
Title: unfamiliar things
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Series: trust and consequences
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Derek/Stiles
Content Advisory: Stiles is 17. Eventual D/s. References to Derek's unhealthy past relationship with Kate.

Summary: Stiles hangs around after they finish up, giving Scott a flimsy excuse about looking up some Hale family talismans with Derek. It's an obvious lie, but Scott just glances between the two of them, exchanges a separate glance with Stiles, and leads the rest of the pack out.

Scott's trust is an unfamiliar thing. )

I also have a tumblr now!

Feedback is appreciated.
hoosierbitch: (Default)
Title: take care, take care, take care
Series: Trust and Consequences
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Derek/Stiles
Content Advisory: Stiles is 17, eventually D/s elements to their relationship.
Notes: Title is taken from an Explosions in the Sky song.


Summary: Derek takes care of Stiles as much as he can.


Stiles has been looking pale lately. )
hoosierbitch: (Default)
Title: Single Parent, Multiple Problems
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Derek/Stiles from the Sheriff's POV.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This is kind of mid-season 2? Erica and Boyd are alive, but Melissa and John know about werewolves. Also, I went with 'John' as a first name, because it's pretty impossible to write from the pov of someone with no first name.
Thanks: Y'all. You don't even understand. This fic is 217% better than it was before my betas got their hands on it. It has scene set-ups and commas and the correct spelling of Camaro and EVERYTHING. Thank you so much, [personal profile] miriad and The Beta Who Shall Not Be Named (...because she has no LJ). You are amazing. Any mistakes left are completely my fault.

Summary: Derek tries really hard to do the right thing, Stiles thinks Derek's idea of the right thing is the wrong thing, and John does his best to help.

*

"Is, uh--is Stiles home?" Hale is staring at the ground and his shoulders are so tense that John's tempted to say 'Boo!' just to see what'll happen. )

*

If you have the time, feedback is really appreciated!

I can also be found on livejournal, AO3, and tumblr.