Fic: Thank You, Autocorrect [Grimm, Nick/Monroe, implied Nick/Monroe/Juliette]

[hoosierbitch]

Right, okay, I just spent about half an hour trying to get this to not show up in three different font sizes with weird line spacing. I dunno what happened here, DW, but we'll work it out.

*glares menacingly*

Title: Thank You, Autocorrect
Fandom: Grimm
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,000
Pairing: Nick/Monroe, implied Nick/Monroe/Juliette
Original prompt: It starts out as a joke but somewhere along the lines all those dirty texts turn serious. (Bonus points if its one of their smartphone's annoying autocorrect features that starts the whole thing.)

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I can see the suspect he is out on the dick.

N. BURKHARDT: ...is that some supernatural codeword that I don't understand?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: No I meant dick.
EDDIE (?) MONROE: Dick
EDDIE (?) MONROE: Dick

N. BURKHARDT: Are you broken?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I meant deck. Damn you autocorrect!

*

N. BURKHARDT: Can you see him anymore? Or any more dicks, for that matter?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: The only dick I can see is my own but now that you mention it it might be blocking my view of the suspect.

N. BURKHARDT: Unless you're going to use it as a weapon, put it away.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: You ruin all my fun.

*

N. BURKHARDT: He's in custody. You can play with your deck all you want now. Maybe put a new coat of varnish on it.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: When I'm done I'll have a party on it.

N. BURKHARDT: I'll bring the beer and the hot dogs.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: That pun is not new or funny Nick.

N. BURKHARDT: HAHAHAHAHA

*

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Nick Nick nick Nick nick I'm booted.

N. BURKHARDT: WHAT?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I meant bored but I put in a lot of Os because that's how bored I am.

N. BURKHARDT: Go play fetch.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Die.

N. BURKHARDT: That's a good idea! Play dead!

EDDIE (?) MONROE: God damn it Grimm you suck.
EDDIE (?) MONROE: How come my phone knows Grimm but not dick?

N. BURKHARDT: Well, it learns words based on how often you use them. Has it been a long dry spell, Monroe? Is your Weiner lonely?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: My dick's seen more action than a Vin Diesel movie.
EDDIE (?) MONROE: Nick?
EDDIE (?) MONROE: Nick?

N. BURKHARDT: I am going to go follow the suspect.

*

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Have you ever jacked off during a steak out?

N. BURKHARDT: It's STAKE out and no.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Do you ever eat steak on a stake out?

N. BURKHARDT: No.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Do you ever have any fun ever?

N. BURKHARDT: No.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Maybe I'll give you and Juliette the joy of sex for christmas.

N. BURKHARDT: You should learn to capitalize better.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Bite me.

N. BURKHARDT: No, you'd like it too much.

*

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I got you the joy of sex for christmas and I wrapped it in really shiny paper.

N. BURKHARDT: Did you just happen to have an extra copy lying around? If the pages are stuck together I will shoot you.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I don't need a manual for fucking Grimm.

N. BURKHARDT: I think the suspect is moving again brb

EDDIE (?) MONROE: What is burb? You make no sense at all.

*

N. BURKHARDT: Okay, so I jacked off on a stake out one time.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I KNEW IT

N. BURKHARDT: It was really late, and Juliette and I were having some problems at home, and I was on my own and really bored.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Were you in your uniform?

N. BURKHARDT: Not that it matters, but yes.
N. BURKHARDT: This isn't an endorsement of masturbating during surveillance, Monroe, you understand that, right?
N. BURKHARDT: Monroe?

*

EDDIE (?) MONROE: You get home safe?

N. BURKHARDT: Yeah.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Juliette still at her moms?

N. BURKHARDT: Yeah.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Don't drink any beer ok? Not with the painkillers.

N. BURKHARDT: Yeah.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Run a hot bath or something. Or pull out a heating pad. Take your meds before you fall asleep. Drink some water.

N. BURKHARDT: Wish you were here.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Give me 5 minutes

*

N. BURKHARDT: Thanks for last night.
N. BURKHARDT: I really appreciated it.
N. BURKHARDT: I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn't know that the painkillers would make me so handsy. lol
N. BURKHARDT: I won't do it again.
N. BURKHARDT: Eddie? Say something please.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I'm not sorry.

*

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I'm thinking about you.

N. BURKHARDT: Something come up on the case?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: No. I saw your uniform when I was over at your house and can't stop thinking about it.

N. BURKHARDT: About what?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: You in the uniform on a stake out

N. BURKHARDT: Fuck, Monroe.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Sorry

N. BURKHARDT: No. Fuck. It was summer. Hot. The windows were open. Breeze came every so often.
N. BURKHARDT: Is this stupid?

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Don't stop

N. BURKHARDT: Okay. The breeze felt really good on my cock. I had to stay focused on the house I was watching so it took forever to come. And usually I'm really loud so I had to bite my hand to stay quiet. Thankfully the uniform had really long sleeves so I could hide the marks.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I want to watch next time

N. BURKHARDT: Okay.

*

N. BURKHARDT: I have hickeys all over my neck now.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Sorry

N. BURKHARDT: It's okay. Juliette put makeup on it.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: That's going to taste terrible when I bite you again later. You should wash it off before the bbq.

N. BURKHARDT: Now I'm hard again asshole.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: If you jerk off before I get there you should film it on your phone and send it to me.

N. BURKHARDT: No time. I'm going to have an erection all afternoon. Awkward.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: Hot.

N. BURKHARDT: I'll make you pay for this later.

*

EDDIE (?) MONROE: I'm almost at the house Nick I brought the bags of ice.

N. BURKHARDT: Awesome. We're out on the back dick.

EDDIE (?) MONROE: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Comments

[monkeyonthelam]

That is the perfect icon ever for this fic. I just wanted to tell you again how much I loved this.

[hoosierbitch]

I cannot even express how gleeful I was when I found this icon! It couldn't be better. :-)

Thank you so much for the feedback! :D

(Behold! My only Grimm icon. And writing in the subject line. Booyah.)

[shameless2shoes]

HA! Love it! First of all, you have a real gift with formating text messages. And with the rhythm of them. And saying a lot of very meaningful things with few words and realistically evolving a relationship with them. All fics should have book-ending deck-dicks from now on, it's both hilarious and gives it a nice feeling of completeness.

Re: (Behold! My only Grimm icon. And writing in the subject line. Booyah.)

[hoosierbitch]

Hee! Thank you so much! I had just browsed through one of those 'funtimes with autocorrect' books, so I'm glad the tone/formatting went well. :-)

All fics should have book-ending deck-dicks from now on

I could not agree more.

[surreal-44.livejournal.com]

-pokes LJ and DW for you -

I had that happen on DW one time, but I don't remember what I did to fix it. I know it's happened on LJ at least twice. Hooray for technology. \o/

[hoosierbitch.livejournal.com]

Yo, I still have not sorted out what happens sometimes with the font. *side-eyes DW & LJ*

Most of the time it works just fine! /o\