eyes closed, head first, can't lose

Unfortunately, I dropped my iPhone in the toilet a few days ago. Fortunately, I was then able to make a lot of bad jokes about things not going swimmingly! Unfortunately, my sense of humor, she is not what she should be. Fortunately, I stuck it in a bag of rice right away! Unfortunately, it did not get better. /o\ Fortunately, there's an upgrade available on my family's AT&T plan! Unfortunately, everyone except for my father uses the upgrades to replace killed/drowned/run-over/lost phones, so, since Dad's responsible, he's been stuck with his crappy (but functional) phone for yeeeeeeeeeeeeears. It's a flip phone that autocorrects 'you' to 'yot.'

Fortunately/Unfortunately is a fun theatre game. Just FYI.

Question for those of you with iPhones: Is the iPhone 4S worth the extra money, instead of getting an iPhone 4? Do you actually use Siri? I think I'd get the upgrade mostly for the camera (which, dudes, the amount of photos I lost with my old phone is ridiculous).


There's a poll in the DW entry, so go over there if you like clicky boxes and/or burritos.

DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THERE ARE REAL LIVE CACTUSES IN THE DESERT? LIKE, FOR REAL?

*stares out the window*

*

In more serious news: It seems like a lot of folks are having a rough time right now. Maybe it's because the weather's changing, maybe because it's the end/beginning of semesters, or maybe it's because sometimes life just kicks you in the balls/ovaries for no reason at all.

So if you've been having a crap day/week/month/year/life, or are expecting to go through a rough/busy/depressing/stressful/unpleasant time sometime soon, you should request a fic from me. Even if all that's happened is that you stubbed your toe--which can suck, especially if it's your little toe, because then you feel like a bully--you should request something. Think of it as a hug-substitute (because if we were close together, I would hug you, because I am huggy. Also if we were close together you too would be in the DESERT where there are CACTUSES).

You can check my fandom tags for things I'm familiar with (and also add everything Jeremy Renner's ever done, and Parks & Rec). I'll write any pairings, ratings, and kinks. Request whatever would be the written equivalent of (vegetarian) chicken soup for your soul. I know it's not much, but I'd like to help if I can.

As always, anon commenting is enabled.

I adore you all! [Also I adore cactuses! But I like you guys more. Probably.]

♥

re: subj line--"next to normal" anyone? yes. i saw that musical once, and they sang that line SO MANY TIMES that it pops into my head whenever i'm feeling lively after a down spell. it's replaced the zombie "i'm aliiiiiiiiiiiiive!"

*

So, it has been many moons (er, that means months, doesn't it. fortnights? couple-of-days-long-units-of-time) since I last updated.

Me in a nutshell: Finished out the year. Ended on a sour note with some people, which, I don't usually do, on account of how I avoid confrontation/negative interactions, so it threw me for a loop more than it perhaps should have. I'm heading to Phoenix in...a week (Phoenix! In ARIZONA!) for an internship. So, if my updating doesn't continue, it's possible that I've died of heat. 

I should write a fuller entry on this, but: I got to meet arsenicjade a few weekends ago, and she is LOVELY. She got me hooked on Magnificent 7, and we ate delicious food (smoosh-in ice cream and Indian food and homecooked pasta sauce with delicious bread), and mostly we lounged. It was relaxing and invigorating and fun. :-)

Um. Let's see. I'm bad at recapping. Um. I have a bag! Like, a nice bag! From a department store! It's made for women! *stares at it* I saw it, and my brain (and body, actually) made grabby hands. We're in love. It's weird. *stares at it more* I'm not big on shopping, and I mostly stick to gender-neutral/butch clothing, but this BAG. *stares more*

Uuuuuuuuuuuuum I should go write fic now. I have this weekend empty of things to do, so I need to make sure I do not slack, because I will be a happier person if I am writing stories. 

I think (hope) I'm coming out of a kind of nasty depressive swing. I'm generally pretty crap at transitional periods, and worrying about money is never good on top of that, and I'm moving house, and saying goodbye to the folks who are graduating, and also, I've just been lonely. Which. Yeah. Sucks. But! I am feeling more chipper (I am sooooooooooo alive) and I'm going to go write and comment on folks' entries (I am soooooooooooooooo behind) and at some point, I shall eat food! Probably while watching Captain America. Because the Avengers have eaten my brain.

OH SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT ATE MY BRAIN

IS THERE A WHITE COLLAR HUNGER GAMES AU YET? 

BECAUSE ELIZABETH WOULD WIN THE HUNGER GAMES YOU GUYS.

you know who's got two deadlines and sucks at planning? THIS guy!

that works much less good than it would if you could see me pointing at myself. not that i actually am, because i'm typing, and it's more of a metaphorical thing, but anyways. 

so: toronto. IS AMAZING. and i've walked about a bazillion miles and gave myself shin splints and bought awesome boots (...hopefully, those two things are unrelated...) and saw WAR HORSE for practically NO MONEY and sat in the SECOND ROW and basically that was just the coolest ever. 

i will post in more detail later, because i really need to sing ivorysilk's praises--she has been such a gracious host. also, she has bunnies, and a comfortable couch, and she has been really really nice to me even though she's crazy busy and is coming down with the flu. 

which. um. okay. it is a good thing that she is so nice, because i was double-checking my plans for tomorrow, and realized that the bus ticket i got--to go to buffalo--does not go to the buffalo airport, it goes to the bus station, which is an hour away from the airport. i bought a ticket for the wrong route.

( D: )

this is a not wonderful ending to what has otherwise been a truly spectacular vacation. i shall eat extra chocolate tomorrow morning to make sure it ends on a sweet note. and then i will write ridiculous kid!fic for ivorysilk so that hopefully she will not hate me.

to sum up: yay vacation, whoops geography, daaang school, hopefully porn!

You ever have one of those days where you're like "dangit, my writing's gotten so repetitive I just bored the heck out of myself trying to edit it," and then you read stuff by other people that's so good you can't even comprehend how they wrote such awesome shit, you just know you've never written anything close to that?

...and then you remember that you wrote pretty much this exact same post seven months ago, and got amazing, thorough, thought-provoking answers from really good friends who cared enough to take the time to help you out?

I'm still trying to figure out how to stretch myself. Since I made that post, however, I've written more "women having awesome sex" fics, and written two stories that broke the 20k barrier, which is really cool. I've also written in a couple of new fandoms, X-Men and Grimm, and inhabiting those different worlds and writing from the POVs of new characters has helped to free up my style.

(...I'm also on mental meds that have given me my first multi-week stretch of "good days" since I was around thirteen years old. It is so freaky y'all, I cannot even talk about it coherently yet. Suffice to say: I'm, like, happy! O.o Hopefully that will help me take my frustrated energy and channel it into "How can I challenge myself in new ways, and set better goals for myself?" and less into "WHY DO YOU INSIST ON SUCKING SO BAD ALL THE TIME, YOU DOUCHEY DOUCHE BAG?")

Things that would challenge me and would be fun to write:

1. Straight-up dubcon fic--probably Renard/Monroe/Nick, or even feral!Monroe/Nick.
2. The longfic about Neal/Peter/Elizabeth meeting each other's parents
3. Dark Angel service kink, which has been rolling around in my head for over a year, because service kink intrigues and perplexes me and I have researched it muchly.
4. Maybe the Kurt/Puck long-relationship fic, based on this essay about the eight stages of a relationship (playing within a pre-determined structure)

It's easy for me to fall back on just writing some random porn for an anon kink meme, because I know I will probably get some comments, and that always makes me feel really good. But when I gather that stuff together and think about reposting it, I just feel like...like it isn't worth the effort. Right now I'm not saying anything that I haven't already said in a dozen fics.

I'm going to repost a question that I asked in my original "help me be better at writing" post, because since June I've made a lot of new friends and (I hope) progressed some as a writer, and would like new input:

Do you have any suggestions for stories that I should try? An AU that brings up an issue I haven't dealt with before, an idea for a way impose an interesting structure on a story, a plotline/scene that you think I could write that is different from what I usually tackle? 

And a new question--I need to find ways to challenge myself with porn/sex scenes. Because I really really really like to write porn. I like BDSM, I like the mental aspects of sex, I like powerplay, I like the way the physical conversations can subsume the verbal ones. At this point though, I get kind of lost midway through a scene and just end up going through the motions. I signed up for a kink bingo card this round, and then realized that I'd written every single square already. I don't want to stop writing porn, so I need to find other ways to make it new and interesting.

Does anyone have any suggestions for plot ideas, narrative techniques, porn to read, new dynamics/people combinations, weird places to have sex in, tropes that intrigue you, or something else entirely that might help me shake things up?

Please don't feel obligated to respond (especially because these are pretty self-indulgent & complicated questions!). l'm going to keep trucking along with this on my own, it just really helps me sort it out when I write it all down. :-) 


Completely random footnote: I'm watching Portlandia with my sister, and she thinks Steve Buscemi is the sexiest man alive.

...also, DW, why don't you want to end my cut text where I tell you to? [note to DW part 2: and why did you screw up the indentations?] I even checked your html and everything. Goshdarn cut tags, never seem to do what I want 'em to...