eyes closed, head first, can't lose

You ever have one of those days where you're like "dangit, my writing's gotten so repetitive I just bored the heck out of myself trying to edit it," and then you read stuff by other people that's so good you can't even comprehend how they wrote such awesome shit, you just know you've never written anything close to that?

...and then you remember that you wrote pretty much this exact same post seven months ago, and got amazing, thorough, thought-provoking answers from really good friends who cared enough to take the time to help you out?

I'm still trying to figure out how to stretch myself. Since I made that post, however, I've written more "women having awesome sex" fics, and written two stories that broke the 20k barrier, which is really cool. I've also written in a couple of new fandoms, X-Men and Grimm, and inhabiting those different worlds and writing from the POVs of new characters has helped to free up my style.

(...I'm also on mental meds that have given me my first multi-week stretch of "good days" since I was around thirteen years old. It is so freaky y'all, I cannot even talk about it coherently yet. Suffice to say: I'm, like, happy! O.o Hopefully that will help me take my frustrated energy and channel it into "How can I challenge myself in new ways, and set better goals for myself?" and less into "WHY DO YOU INSIST ON SUCKING SO BAD ALL THE TIME, YOU DOUCHEY DOUCHE BAG?")

Things that would challenge me and would be fun to write:

1. Straight-up dubcon fic--probably Renard/Monroe/Nick, or even feral!Monroe/Nick.
2. The longfic about Neal/Peter/Elizabeth meeting each other's parents
3. Dark Angel service kink, which has been rolling around in my head for over a year, because service kink intrigues and perplexes me and I have researched it muchly.
4. Maybe the Kurt/Puck long-relationship fic, based on this essay about the eight stages of a relationship (playing within a pre-determined structure)

It's easy for me to fall back on just writing some random porn for an anon kink meme, because I know I will probably get some comments, and that always makes me feel really good. But when I gather that stuff together and think about reposting it, I just feel like...like it isn't worth the effort. Right now I'm not saying anything that I haven't already said in a dozen fics.

I'm going to repost a question that I asked in my original "help me be better at writing" post, because since June I've made a lot of new friends and (I hope) progressed some as a writer, and would like new input:

Do you have any suggestions for stories that I should try? An AU that brings up an issue I haven't dealt with before, an idea for a way impose an interesting structure on a story, a plotline/scene that you think I could write that is different from what I usually tackle? 

And a new question--I need to find ways to challenge myself with porn/sex scenes. Because I really really really like to write porn. I like BDSM, I like the mental aspects of sex, I like powerplay, I like the way the physical conversations can subsume the verbal ones. At this point though, I get kind of lost midway through a scene and just end up going through the motions. I signed up for a kink bingo card this round, and then realized that I'd written every single square already. I don't want to stop writing porn, so I need to find other ways to make it new and interesting.

Does anyone have any suggestions for plot ideas, narrative techniques, porn to read, new dynamics/people combinations, weird places to have sex in, tropes that intrigue you, or something else entirely that might help me shake things up?

Please don't feel obligated to respond (especially because these are pretty self-indulgent & complicated questions!). l'm going to keep trucking along with this on my own, it just really helps me sort it out when I write it all down. :-) 


Completely random footnote: I'm watching Portlandia with my sister, and she thinks Steve Buscemi is the sexiest man alive.

...also, DW, why don't you want to end my cut text where I tell you to? [note to DW part 2: and why did you screw up the indentations?] I even checked your html and everything. Goshdarn cut tags, never seem to do what I want 'em to...

Housekeeping note: I'm going to try to catch up on comments this weekend! I'm, um. A few months behind. :-/ My apologies to those of you who are about to be spammed with many, many dorkily spazztastic comment notifications. I hope the repetition doesn't make me seem insincere. I really am genuinely overwhelmed and flustered by positive feedback. If I put this in a comment  :D  it is only because it is a genuine reflection of my RL face. 

Other housekeeping things to get done this week: collect and repost fics from promptfests, sentence fest, and then also post them to comms! And post my last...three or four White Collar fics to comms, too. And also to AO3. I am really bad at that, for some reason. It feels...like. Like I'm saying: "DAMN, I think my fic is SO GOOD, look at me promote it! READ IT." When in fact my actual train of thought is "ohmygod, please please please don't everybody hate it." 

Project Honesty (aka "The Quest for Self-Esteem"), she is ongoing. 

ANYWHO. HERE IS SOME PORN! Originally posted for elrhiarhodan's Promptest V here! The prompt was "Peter - Leather." 

BWAHAHAHA.

Title: equilibrium
Author: hoosierbitch
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: White Collar
Pairing: Neal/Peter
Content Advisory: BDSM, spanking, leather. And, uh. Schmoop.

Summary: It's Neal's birthday, and Peter's got a few surprises for him...

( a new variety of normal )

THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

I know the balance of my LJ has shifted more to rambling and less to fic, lately, but it won't be that way for long, I promise! I've got...eight prompt fills for recent fests and one story on collarkink to clean up and post. So there will soon be an outpouring! :-)

With that out of the way: ...feedback me? I'm trying to take myself more seriously as a writer. (Hurrah for self-esteem! \o/) So - if you have some time, I would really appreciate hearing your feedback! Everything's welcome - constructive criticism, lasting impressions, weaknesses, strengths, knock-knock jokes... (Seriously, though, it is anonymous - so you can be honest!) 

Er, yes, I am in a rehearsal. But it's cold. And boring. Painstaking preblocking = my new mortal enemy. Oh, assistant directing, YOU SUCK SO BAD...

ETA: Thank you to everyone who has left feedback! Just FYI, instead of leaving feedback on this post, you can put it on my thread here! :-)